How do I let go? What do I do now?

HOW DO I LET GO?

To be truly able to let go we need first to have an understanding why we're holding on in the first place.

This may sound harsh but if you say there's something you want to let go of but can't, there's a reason why you're choosing not to. Sometimes it may not feel like it but it really is YOU choosing the emotion, behaviour and thoughts that you experience.

So to truly let something go you need to ask yourself:  

 

What does holding on to this situation, feeling, memory, or relationship give you? 

There's a reason why you're choosing not to let go.

Be totally honest with yourself and identify the need you're feeding.

For example:

If you say “I want to let go of anxiety” maybe you choose to feel anxious because it makes you feel like you have some control – that if you worry and think things through you’ll be ready for any potential outcome. You may also believe that if you worry about other people it shows you care, or your anxiety may serve you as a reason to avoid certain situations.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

Now that you've identified some possible reasons as to why you've not been able to let go, you need to consider some healthier, more supportive, more life affirming ways to address those needs. So following on from the example above:

Instead of using anxiety to feed your need for control maybe you could work on trusting that you have the capacity and strength to handle any situation that comes your way.

Or if your worry shows that you care, instead of upsetting yourself to show care how about just being caring and actually do something positive for another that demonstrates your feelings. Eg. If you're worried about an upcoming event in a loved ones life maybe research ways that could empower them to manage that event, or talk to them about how they're feeling (take the focus away from your worry to their feelings).

If your anxiety gives you a reason to avoid certain situations maybe you could look at why you want to avoid those situations and address that. Maybe you need to learn to say no to things you don't want to do, or you need to work on your fear of certain situations.

There are many ways you can learn to live more harmoniously so be creative - try to bring in physical, behavioural, spiritual, emotional and mental ways to do this.

The following question may help with this:

Do you need to find some meaning or lesson in the experience before you can let it go.If yes what?

Is there anyone you need to forgive to help you move on – this could also include forgiving yourself?

Do you need to make amends with someone to settle an issue? 

If yes who?

Do you need to express your feelings to another before you can move on?

If yes who?

Are you holding on to any resentment that is stopping you from letting go?

What judgements do you need to let go of about the way things should be or should have been?

Who can you go to for help - a friend/loved one, professional, support group?

What physical activity could help eg. yoga, a team sport, join a gym, dance class, art class?

Is there a spiritual/personal practice that may assist you eg. church,meditation, journaling?

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